Dog

You can see them everywhere, from morning walk to evening walk, from balconies to gardens, from train compartments to cars, from drawing room conversations to road side chats... they are the second most visible zoological beings in big cities after, well,.. we humans.

What if they are also there, I was not concerned, but what made me take notice of them ( or jealous of them ) was the fact that a dog’s ‘pic’ on facebook attracts more likes and comments from their female fans rather than ‘pics’ of  normal male brethren. The man’s best friend has authoritatively become girls best ‘friend?’.  

Ahh.. choww sweeett.. followed by three heart symbols, which I don’t know how to make, irritate me to the end of my neurological system. You look at any album of the fairer sex to satisfy your pre-medieval male desire to peek into anything related to ‘them’ and you end up looking into their dogs in different poses. Isn’t it frustrating?

I tried to dig deep into this dog business and it prompted many questions. Why people in bigger cities keep dogs more? Why women, children and elderly love dogs more? Big cities are the classic cases of people feeling ‘alone in the crowd’. They feel the need of having someone ‘faithful’ by their side. Women, children and elderly need the love and care of others and in the absence of human love and care due to busy city life, they resort to canine love.    

So, if you want to see less of dog ‘pics’, you should start loving girls around you more.  ;)

Moreover, dogs have become status symbol like “well.. I don’t know hindi aachee se, I can understand it thik se but reading and writing.. I’m not sure, ajeeb feel hota hai..” Not knowing hindi is the status symbol of the most big city dwellers. Carrying a hand bag as large as half the body size is the status symbol of the most big city girls and wearing a low waist three-fourth showing the favourite ‘chaddi’ brand is the status symbol of the most big city boys.

Anyways, coming back to dogs, I agree they elevate the status and they increase the love and care quotient. But still I hate them from the very deep bottom of my heart and I have my reasons.

i)                    No species can withstand the pain of the sight of their female counterparts loving other species. The idea of being in competition with dogs is not very self respecting.

ii)                   There is a sum total of quotas of all the affection and care in the world. If dogs receive them all then what will be left for we poor humans?   

iii)                 Balance of any ecosystem is disturbed when one species start to dominate it. We should diversify – cats, rats, parrots, lizards, rabbits, anything but dogs!!

iv)                 They lick. Since their owners allow them to show their affection by licking, they feel pleased to lick anyone who comes near to them. Men should not be licked by dogs.

v)                  They pee and poo at wrong places. Men are not supposed to clean the pee and poo of anyone except their own babies and holy cows.

vi)                 They invade your ‘that’ space. There is a certain distance you maintain from other people and you allow only very few people to come closer to that distance. Dogs should not be one entering your ‘that’ space.

vii)               They are dogs.  

There are two possible endings to the dog story –

One, girls suddenly or slowly realise that guys are better looking, smarter, funnier, more caring and lovable than dogs.

Two, to hell with all bitches!!