Merry Marry

25^th December is the time to say merry Christmas. But as Christianity has rightly enlightened us about the ‘original sin’, we the country with the most diversified ‘religious portfolio’ start a new yearly wedding season. The jingle bells sound like wedding bells for many wannables. And about the ‘sin’, Adam and Eve couldn’t resist the apple; we are hardly anyone to resist ‘shaadi ke laddu’.

It’s said about such laddus that “jo khaye wo pachtaye aur jo na khaye wo bhi pachtaye”. Meaning we are insects attracted to a tube light. For those who are less biologically inclined, insects are attracted to tube lights because they think they have got ‘available opposite sex’ there. Apparently there is some ‘wavelength locha’. Insects ready to mate and tube lights emit similar signals. Only that they end up in lizard’s stomach after a brief period of excitement.

This really sums up marriage. We are insects, tube light is the institution of marriage and lizard is our society. Needless to say, brief period of excitement is the honeymoon period.  

From where we arrived at the modern concept of marriage? Had our lords told so? No. Krishna was more interested in his Gopis. Lord Rama’s father had three wives. The five pandavas were married to one woman and they freely ‘dated’ other women. Hail Hindu! Had our national heroes told so? No. Gandhi’s marriage was based on the oath of celibacy. Nehru, well, we all know. Raja Ram Mohan Roy, the biggest reformer of modern India was married thrice. And still, we the faithful followers stick to one man one woman policy of perfect marriage.

Why marriage in the first place? Academicians suggest - because we cannot control. All other species have a well defined mating periods and they procreate obeying nature’s cycle. We humans on the other hand are ever ready. So we need a strong institution like marriage to stop anarchy in the society. Even with so many bondages, look at our population, we indeed are God’s best creation.   

For many of us who don’t like being compared with insects and being called ‘control freak maniacs’, let’s get into real ‘marriage business’. How do we choose mates?

For women, they have three different categories to choose from.

Type I is the NRI type. Those who were hot in the late 90’s in the marriage market. They promised of a future in a far away land, the ideal prince charming in the wonderland with lot of money. They meant an opportunity to break free from “saree-saas-sasural” triangle. But with the world economy taking a plunge, these potential grooms now lie grounded. They are out of flavour for ‘informed’ girls. The families are more sceptical in ‘giving their daughters’ to NRI husbands. Their fortune in marriage market is as sensitive as sensex.

Type II is the metro man. He is the company guy. He will spend all his life at one or two place. He will go office, remain there, remain a little longer, come back and sleep. He will speak the perfect words, thanks to high overdose of management slides. He is fair and handsome, not because of genes, but because he is confined to AC cubicles whole day and night and he is aware of the use of ‘guy-cosmetics’. In the present day marriage market, they are selling like hot cakes. Stability, money and presentable, they have it all. Girls are doing all in their disposals to catch such a ‘catch’. Parents are eager to consent. Perfect arm candies for modern day women.

Type III is the sarkari babu. Posted some place infected with abject poverty, they are opposite of fair and handsome, whatever that may be. Again not because of genes but because of Mother Nature and job nature. They still believe that writing is the ‘most in thing’ to do. Parents love such ‘damads’. Girls hate such ‘dumbos’. Such babus are ending up with perfect desi bahus. A complete family man for ‘praying women’.

For men, it’s the matter of being picked up. NRI types get picked up in colleges. Metro men get picked up in companies. Sarkari babus get picked up not by girls but by Godfathers – men with white kurtas and gold garlands for their ‘little girls’.

Going personal, its twilight for me. Lights are getting dim. I can sense tube light’s light. It’s my time to be the insect. And have a last laugh about it. Anyways I can’t control it. Quiet.

PS- This article is the best example of how to ruin your marriage-pickability. So, to keep my chances alive, here’s the disclaimer. This is a piece of write-art, describing a point of view. The views expressed are not really what I feel about marriage and its process. I will love getting married.